Why

Why do I always find a way to make her feel bad.. I hate myself when I do. All I want is for everyone to be happy but I find a way to fuck that up too.
Why can't I just be normal.

I know one day she won't put up with my shot anymore and I fear that day. I try to be superdad but I fail at being a good partner and its so hard to give everyone a piece of you when you have a baby, a toddler and the love of your life craving it. I wish there was 3 of me so I could make everyone feel like I'm not choosing one over the other...

I know I tend to give ant (the baby) most if not all my attention but what choice do I have he's a baby...

I miss hanging out with Izarra (the toddler) she is so smart at times I can't believe the things she comes up with. It's sad that it almost like she has to get in trouble for me to correct her and get my attention.. I feel like I'm failing her as a father... I rarely just hangout and play with her.. I miss being the loving, playful and less strict dad. I'm so proud of her and I love her so much..

Then last but far from least is the love of my life, Maria. For her I would give my life and its because of her I have my two wonderful kids. I wish I could give her the love and attention she deserves but its so hard. I know all she wants from me is some loving affection and conversations but I suck at both... I'm amazed that she has been with me this long and put up with me.. I know I'm not the best person at times and I shut people out when I'm upset but to put up with me that long. I want to do more for her, make her happy. I'm failing her too. I don't know how to be the person they need and it kills me inside. I feel I should be doing so much more then what I do now. I just don't know how.

I need to figure out how to make our lives better and be happy.
I love my family so much..
I have to be better then what I am now, its not fair to them.