Ugh not this shit again.

So I was informed that my beloved brother is still talking shit about my girl..
It's bullshit that he can go around and look at her and then go bitch about her on the internet..

IT'S NOT OUR FUCKING FAULT MOM FUCKED EVERYTHING UP!

He's mad because I don't want to extend the 30 days notice. Mom signed the fucking shit out of her own free will its not like we put a gun to.her head... shit how hard is that to understand.... I had told my mom I would sign the fucking paper if my tax money didn't show but no he doesn't understand that... fuck the shit I have to deal with I fucking hate living with my "family". Hate having my family being outdated by my "family".. shit is so fucking hard and then this bullshit drama on top doesn't help.

I mean I fucking stuck my neck out to help them and what do I get? Bullshit and more problems...

My mom is failing at being a parent.
My sister is a waste of space.

And now my brother who I really really care about and try to look after is now a two faced punk...

Que famila tengo.

Why

Why do I always find a way to make her feel bad.. I hate myself when I do. All I want is for everyone to be happy but I find a way to fuck that up too.
Why can't I just be normal.

I know one day she won't put up with my shot anymore and I fear that day. I try to be superdad but I fail at being a good partner and its so hard to give everyone a piece of you when you have a baby, a toddler and the love of your life craving it. I wish there was 3 of me so I could make everyone feel like I'm not choosing one over the other...

I know I tend to give ant (the baby) most if not all my attention but what choice do I have he's a baby...

I miss hanging out with Izarra (the toddler) she is so smart at times I can't believe the things she comes up with. It's sad that it almost like she has to get in trouble for me to correct her and get my attention.. I feel like I'm failing her as a father... I rarely just hangout and play with her.. I miss being the loving, playful and less strict dad. I'm so proud of her and I love her so much..

Then last but far from least is the love of my life, Maria. For her I would give my life and its because of her I have my two wonderful kids. I wish I could give her the love and attention she deserves but its so hard. I know all she wants from me is some loving affection and conversations but I suck at both... I'm amazed that she has been with me this long and put up with me.. I know I'm not the best person at times and I shut people out when I'm upset but to put up with me that long. I want to do more for her, make her happy. I'm failing her too. I don't know how to be the person they need and it kills me inside. I feel I should be doing so much more then what I do now. I just don't know how.

I need to figure out how to make our lives better and be happy.
I love my family so much..
I have to be better then what I am now, its not fair to them.

what's wrong with me...

Why do I feel this way all day I've been out of it. I didn't really have a good night but I was hoping for a better day... I'm just angry and tired.. I don't even know why I'm mad. I tried to just keep myself busy so I could take my mind off of things and hope to chill but nothing... Everything seems to annoy me and then Maria is going through her women thingy, so I'm trying not to piss her off but I'm sure Ive already done so. I guess it started when she didn't want my help this morning for when we were going to cook... I felt like I was being pushed away so o finished what I was doing and then took ant and went to the room... I've been taking care of ant all day... Wish he would stay asleep though... He's up I'm go.