Fasting and me...

So I've decided to start a juice fast for the next few weeks in hopes to better my health and lose some much needed weight. Maria and I will try to tough it out for at lest 2 weeks, I want to make it a lil over a month.

So all I can drink is juice I juice myself and water, I can eat nuts and that's about it.

I'm currently at 306 the most I've ever been at and I don't want to be more then that..
I hope this works because I hate not finding clothes that fit me and I want to feel alive again..

Today was tough, I broke down and had to eat.. Even worse I ate fast food. I was so disappointed in myself.
I couldn't function, I was tired, hungry, sleepy and I couldn't think.. I think tomorrow will be better seeing how we have a game plain and I'm do my best to stick to it and not bitch out again..

I've only ate once today and have had 3 large cups of juice and a few handfuls of nuts.

lets see how it goes.

Ugh not this shit again.

So I was informed that my beloved brother is still talking shit about my girl..
It's bullshit that he can go around and look at her and then go bitch about her on the internet..

IT'S NOT OUR FUCKING FAULT MOM FUCKED EVERYTHING UP!

He's mad because I don't want to extend the 30 days notice. Mom signed the fucking shit out of her own free will its not like we put a gun to.her head... shit how hard is that to understand.... I had told my mom I would sign the fucking paper if my tax money didn't show but no he doesn't understand that... fuck the shit I have to deal with I fucking hate living with my "family". Hate having my family being outdated by my "family".. shit is so fucking hard and then this bullshit drama on top doesn't help.

I mean I fucking stuck my neck out to help them and what do I get? Bullshit and more problems...

My mom is failing at being a parent.
My sister is a waste of space.

And now my brother who I really really care about and try to look after is now a two faced punk...

Que famila tengo.

Why

Why do I always find a way to make her feel bad.. I hate myself when I do. All I want is for everyone to be happy but I find a way to fuck that up too.
Why can't I just be normal.

I know one day she won't put up with my shot anymore and I fear that day. I try to be superdad but I fail at being a good partner and its so hard to give everyone a piece of you when you have a baby, a toddler and the love of your life craving it. I wish there was 3 of me so I could make everyone feel like I'm not choosing one over the other...

I know I tend to give ant (the baby) most if not all my attention but what choice do I have he's a baby...

I miss hanging out with Izarra (the toddler) she is so smart at times I can't believe the things she comes up with. It's sad that it almost like she has to get in trouble for me to correct her and get my attention.. I feel like I'm failing her as a father... I rarely just hangout and play with her.. I miss being the loving, playful and less strict dad. I'm so proud of her and I love her so much..

Then last but far from least is the love of my life, Maria. For her I would give my life and its because of her I have my two wonderful kids. I wish I could give her the love and attention she deserves but its so hard. I know all she wants from me is some loving affection and conversations but I suck at both... I'm amazed that she has been with me this long and put up with me.. I know I'm not the best person at times and I shut people out when I'm upset but to put up with me that long. I want to do more for her, make her happy. I'm failing her too. I don't know how to be the person they need and it kills me inside. I feel I should be doing so much more then what I do now. I just don't know how.

I need to figure out how to make our lives better and be happy.
I love my family so much..
I have to be better then what I am now, its not fair to them.

what's wrong with me...

Why do I feel this way all day I've been out of it. I didn't really have a good night but I was hoping for a better day... I'm just angry and tired.. I don't even know why I'm mad. I tried to just keep myself busy so I could take my mind off of things and hope to chill but nothing... Everything seems to annoy me and then Maria is going through her women thingy, so I'm trying not to piss her off but I'm sure Ive already done so. I guess it started when she didn't want my help this morning for when we were going to cook... I felt like I was being pushed away so o finished what I was doing and then took ant and went to the room... I've been taking care of ant all day... Wish he would stay asleep though... He's up I'm go.

So

I'm up and everyone us sleeping. Just feed Anthony and izarra is sleeping all crazy. Babe is hella knocked out and I don't blame here. It's nice when the kids are sleeping. Mmm peace.

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Jul 9, 2008
Fucking Fat bitch...
Current mood:angry
You would think I have enough things on my mind and enough stress, but no someone has to bitch and moan and I'm the one that has to give up my goals to make that fat fuck happy...
Ok so about a year ago or a bit more my stepdad helped me get a car 4500 dollar car.
I had a job and for the time I was working all my checks went to pay bills (my laptop, the car, gas for said car, cell phone and a credit card) so during the time I was working I made according to my last pay stub 11 grand.
So how the fuck do I still owe so much on this car... I don't know I gave all my checks to mom to pay everything...

So fast forward to now.
I'm still looking for a fucking job.
I had a job but lost it after a week because of some bullshit.
So now that the baby is on its way and about to come out the oven, I'm stressing and going out every day to apply EVERYWHERE in said car . I get a call from my mom telling me my stepdad is broke and wants the car... I told her if he wants it he can come get it I'm not about to go all the way down to bakersfuck to give him the keys to my car, because hes broke and has no money to fuck off... fucking gambling alcoholic...

Yes, I know I owe him money and I do intend to pay what I owe but to take my only means of transportation is fucked up even more if I have a kid on the way and I need to get to/ find work in this car...

I swear they must think I'm just up here fucking jerking off...

If he really needed money get a fucking job, shit I'm doing that why cant his fat broke ass do the fucking same... 
Every time I think its getting better and start thinking things might work out some shit has to happen...

If he comes to get he damn car I will be left no choice but to move to Orlando because I will not stay in the same house with that shit head.
I'm done with that shit and I have a family to take care of...

I feel sorry for my mom that has to put up with his shit ,always bitching and my poor brother that might as well run away because his dad is always riding him over nothing...
Hes lucking I'm not being a complete dick and telling him to fuck off about the car after all the title is in my name and has been for over a year now…

Fuck I hate people so fucking much, he fucking ruined a somewhat good day…

*pull hair out*

5:37 AM
Views (85)·Edit
Apr 2, 2008
Me a Father?
Current mood:calm
So for those of you that dont know I’m going to be a father.
May not be as planned but I welcome it none the less.
I’m excited and scared of what may happen in the next few months.
I hope everything goes well and my fears about things fade away.
I’m still working on getting myself together and I have a few months before my child is born. I have a lot to get done and like always little time to do it but for them(Maria and the baby) I will.
I will be there for my child as a Father, I’m not one of these little kids that gets a girl impregnated and leaves. I’m a fucking man that shit will not happen with us, I will not let some asshole come fuck up my kid. I may not be where I know I should be but in time I will. The idea of being a Parent scares me I’m not going to lie but I know I will do right by my kid. I know he or she will be loved by everyone Maria and I hold close to us. The baby is due in August and no my mom nor my dad know they are going to be grandparents yet but I’ll tell them when I feel its right.
I’ve been a fuck up too long and now it must end. I wont be a fucking dead beat dad, and I love Maria too much to let her down. So with all the shit I have to deal with this is my number 1, to make sure my baby and my baby having said baby are ok and taking care of. I may be moving again this will come over time because I need to be closer to my child and my girl.

So congratulate me or not I dont care.
I know what I must do and I promise on all that I know to be true it will be done.

So yup a few of you fuckers owe us baby shower gifts which I demand to be sent soon.send me a message for the address.

2:32 AM
Views (98)·Edit
Jan 28, 2008
Son of a bitch...
So I come to the Bay area because I was told I had a job and that as soon as I got here I would start to work..
I go today to the meet the person that was going to hook me up and wait for for an hour and he never shows then later he calls me and says hes already in San Jose...So now its 6 am and I'm heading to San Jose yay morning traffic...
I get to San Jose about an hour later and fill out another application because the dumb bitch that works there lost mine...I give it to dude and he leads me into the bosses office so he can ask me if I have experience in that type of work I say no and I get the "well we arent hiring anyone right now blah blah blah". Great I came up here with a job in the bag or so they told me and now I dont know what to do.
I'm staying with some family but I cant just stay here another couple of weeks, They are nice people and all but I dont want to impose more then I have already..
son of a bitch, I feel like I just wasted time up here.. I dont know if I should still try or just go home and try again down there.. I dont want to go back to Bakersfield but I dont have the money to waste here either...
I have so much shit I need to take care of in Feb. and now I have nothing to show for it...
I need to pay my damn ticket or I lose my license and the car reg is coming up in that month also so I need like 500 bucks in 2 weeks so far all I can get a hold of is 200.
Lets see how I pull the other 300 out of my ass...
1:04 PM
Views (65)·Edit
Jan 20, 2008
moving.
Looks like I'm moving to the bay might have a job in the bag and a place to stay soon all I need is a cell and I'll be set to start all over again..
 
I think  its a good move something I need to do anyways..I need to get my life on track sowhat I have planned later down the road works out..
Soon I will have my better half by my side and things will be better for both ofus and I will be able to catch up on my debts..starting with my car and some traffic tickets I need to take care of a.sa.p.
So my bay area people I'm back i'll be looking you guys up so dont get all lost on me you bastards. I'll update this more later when I come back up.
1:57 AM
Views (53)·Edit
Jan 16, 2008
Sweeney Todd - Epiphany
him! 
His throat was there beneath my hand. 
No, I had him! 
His throat was there and now he'll never come again.
Mrs. Lovett: Easy now, hush love hush
I keep telling you, Whats your rush?
Todd: When? Why did I wait?
You told me to wait -
Now he'll never come again.
There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And it's filled with people who are filled with shit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it.
But not for long...

They all deserve to die.
Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why.
Because in all of the whole human race
Mrs. Lovett, there are two kinds of men and only two
There's the one staying put in his proper place
And the one with his foot in the other one's face
Look at me, Mrs Lovett, look at you.

No, we all deserve to die
Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why.
Because the lives of the wicked should be made brief
For the rest of us death will be a relief
We all deserve to die.

And I'll never see Johanna
No I'll never hug my girl to me - finished!
Alright! You sir, you sir, how about a shave?
Come and visit your good friend Sweeney.
You sir, too sir? Welcome to the grave.

I will have vengenance. 
I will have salvation.
Who sir, you sir?
No ones in the chair, Come on! Come on!
Sweeney's. waiting. I want you bleeders.
You sir! Anybody!
Gentlemen now don't be shy!

Not one man, no, nor ten men.
Nor a hundred can assuage me.
I will have you!
And I will get him back even as he gloats
In the meantime I'll practice on less honorable throats.
And my Lucy lies in ashes 
And I'll never see my girl again.

But the work waits!
I'm alive at last!
And I'm full of joy!
2:57 AM
Views (60)·Edit
Dec 21, 2007
Fan Signs
Current mood:amused

6:57 PM
Views (36)·Edit
Nov 9, 2007
God Talks to the Rational Man
Current mood:awake
God: Hello there. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm God.
Rational Man: God.
God: Yes?
Rational Man: No, I mean, so you're telling me you're a god.
God: No, God. There's only one, and that's me.
Rational Man: I don't believe you.
God: Why?

Rational Man: Would you believe me If I said I was Superman?
God: Of course not. I know who you are.
Rational Man: That may or may not be, but if I say I am Superman, you won't believe me. I don't blame you. If you say you are God, you might as well have said you were Superman.
God: Ah, well. This certainly isn't the first time I've been doubted. Suppose you want proof?
Rational Man: Yes.
God: No faith, eh?
Rational Man: No. I may have "faith" that there is a country called Australia in the southern hemisphere, and that if I took a plane there I could go to Sydney and see the famous opera house. However, if some guy walks up to me on the beach and says he's God, well, yes, I want proof. But let's agree on what "proof" means.
God: Fair enough.
Rational Man: You have to offer logical, irrefutable proof that you are, indeed, God, creator of the universe, etc. I take it that pretty much sums up what you are claiming?
God: That sums it up quite nicely, yes.
Rational Man: Ready when you are.
God: (points at a seashell - it rises into the air) How's that?
Rational Man: (runs his hand over and under the shell, even grabs hold of it then lets it go) Not bad. But I'm afraid that doesn't prove anything.
God: What? No one can do what I just did.
Rational Man: That's true, if you even did it at all. I saw a guy make the Statue of Liberty disappear once, at least from the viewpoint of the observer.
God: So you don't believe what you can see? Or touch even?
Rational Man: I do when doing so helps me get through my day. But, as I said, claiming to be God is a bit bigger and more important. So, all I know right now is that either A: My brain is being told something is happening that isn't, or B: You are a creature that has powers that are currently outside of my understanding.
God: Bingo! You've never seen anyone levitate a seashell. And I promise I am not manipulating your brain.
Rational Man: Two hundred years ago, no one had seen a television, but the laws of physics that allow televisions to do what they do existed two hundred years ago. I don't know how you can levitate a seashell, but that does nothing to persuade me that you are the supreme creator of the universe.
God: Fine. How about this? (waves his hand, and they are standing in front of the opera house in Sydney, Australia)
Rational Man: Impressive. I'm going to leave the whole sensory input manipulation argument behind, just because it would bring an abrupt end to our discussion. (several people gasp when they realize two men materialized out of nowhere) Teleportation. Nice trick. You are indeed powerful, or at least have a device or something I have no knowledge of.
God: Device? You know, 2,000 years ago, people were more easy to impress.
Rational Man: I'm quite impressed. But again, I'm impressed when I see a Rembrandt painting. I have no idea how he was able to make a gold chain around someone's neck with just a few small brush strokes. But Rembrandt is not God.
God: No, I am.
Rational Man: Can't help you.
God: So what if I just caused you to cease to exist?
Rational Man: Anyone with a gun or a pointed stick could bring that about.
God: I don't mean kill you, I mean un-make you.
Rational Man: And the difference to me would be?
God: Your soul would no longer exist.
Rational Man: I don't believe in a soul. I have no evidence. Now, being a rational man, and a logical thinker, I know I cannot prove a negative. I can't prove there isn't a soul, but until I have evidence of some kind, I can't say I believe in them, either. Same for you.
God: So I could turn the sky blood red.
Rational Man: That would be impressive. You certainly must be the most powerful being I have ever encountered.
God: Isn't that enough?
Rational Man: No, sorry. I will have to add "powerful beings" to the list of things I have observed, but someone else may come along, claim they are Thor, and outdo you.
God: Thor does not exist.
Rational Man: So you say. How would you prove it?
God: I can see where this is going.
Rational Man: Good. I was kind of getting bored with the whole process.
God: So what you are saying is that, because you are this so-called "rational" man, that no amount of proof would convince you that I am God?
Rational Man: I'm afraid so. My limitation, I'm afraid. I guess that would be the nature of the whole "faith" thing.
God: Yes.
Rational Man: Sorry. As I said, I only have "faith" in a limited list of processes, only because I would hate to have to take the time to test and verify gravity before I got out of bed every morning. But, since I can't prove a negative, I can't stand here and say with absolute conviction as a rational man, that you are not God. So, if you are, and all that stuff about Heaven and Hell and miracles and such is true, hopefully you'll take into consideration that you gave me a brain to think with. And if I have to not use what you gave me to be on your good side, I can't help that.
God: Can't promise you anything.
Rational Man: Didn't think so. Don't suppose you could teach me that teleport trick?
God: Afraid not.
Rational Man: Thought so. But can you send me back to the beach? It's a long walk from Sydney.
(poof)
The rational man found himself alone again on the beach, with only one set of footprints behind him, which was proof only that he had walked there himself. And that would have to do.
10:50 PM
Oct 11, 2007
System Failure
Current mood:disappointed
So after my failed move to the Bay Area, I came back to Bakersfield to start over again. Job hunt on I try to get back on my feet and after awhile I manage to get by.
Yet, now I find myself in a hole that I can't believe I let myself fall into and it's driving me crazy. 21 years old and I'm in the hole for around 40k, how the fuck did that happen? Well the Charger that I don't even have is a big part of my new found debt... Fucking car.
If I wasn't such a dumb fuck I would be in a better place, maybe even have had most of my debt paid. Now I don't even want to get a job because every cent I earn is already spent, I work for everyone but me.
I hate not having a job because I feel like a waste of space and I feel the pressure of the bill and the greedy bastards that won't let me breathe.
I want it to end; I don't want this debt it's too much to handle.
I feel like a slave I work to get nowhere, I live to try and find a way to pay bills.
Fucking all mighty dollar.
When will it end?
When will I be truly happy and able to do as I please with the money I earn?
Only people keeping me from losing my mind is my baby Mari and my family, I know they see what shit I'm in and keep pushing me to keep going.
I just wish it would just fall in my lap, fucking money...
My life is on hold until I am debt free. I want to go to school and better myself but I can't. I hate telling myself I can't do something or asking myself if I can afford to go be with my babe. I can't do shit without thinking it twice...
For fuck sake I have to look for change to go to the dollar menu and eat...
I guess this is the life I must lead until I find a way out and into a better one.
Life is fucking me hard and I'm getting fucking tired of just taking it.
When the time comes Life is going to get it share of cock...
I need to get rid of that fucking car... somehow... I told them to get the fucking thing but I doubt they have... I don't have the money to go get the damn thing much less bring it back to Bakers...I haven't even talked to my dope head of a cousin that has it. I really don't give 2 shits about the car anymore.
My future is not looking so well...
I won't be able to own a house because my credit is or soon will be shit.
I wish I could go back and not sign that damn paper and never have gotten that car. What a waste of a future...
I know I'll be ok because I always seem to make it but right now is so fucking hard. Scratching along to get by I hate it. I'll fix it soon, I have to. No way around it... 
I'm jobless right now hopefully in a few weeks that will change so I can go back into Zombie mode and work. Shit need to pay my phone. Haha, I sound like Archy.
Till later.
-Noz
1:34 AM
Sep 6, 2007
Poem From My Girlfriend ^_^
Current mood:loved
[You]

Although its only been two months 
I feel that its been more
We know each other so well and get along great
Its you whom I adore
Its you whom I love biting and being mean to
Its nothing bad and NOT hate 
Its one of the many things that I enjoy
So shut up and smile because you love it too
You silly boy
Babe you're so good to me 
You can always make me laugh whenever I'm feeling low
You're the one that makes me happy
Although I think you already know
You're like someone I've never met 
Unique and your own person
Your super fun even if you don't like to bet
I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you
Your hugs, your kisses, your kindness, your love….
I'm so lucky and grateful to be with you
Happy Anniversary!

Love me, 

Maria 
11:00 PM
Views (74)·Edit
Jul 11, 2007
Letter to my dead uncle...
Current mood:sad
On July 11 2007 at 1pm a great man took his last breath.
His name was Alberto Rivera, my fathers brother, father and master.
Due to the bullshit I had to put up with when I was in the Bay I was not able to see my uncle before he passed. The last time I spoke to him was on his Birthday telling him that I would go see him as soon as I could and now he's gone...

When I was little around 7 he would come and pick me up from my home every weekend to take me away from the problems I would have at home. He was my only connection to my dads side of the family that was still in the bay area. When my dad wasn't there he was I could always count on my uncle be able to tell him anything. He was like another father to me and I thank him for being there for me and taking the time to guide me through the though times.Even at his old age he was the coolest mother fucker you would ever meet at 53 bumping 50 cent in his big ass truck. I'm glad to say I know you tio thanks for everything.

To my uncle that is no longer here.
I know you fought to the very end to stay alive man. I hope the last thing you saw was your grand kids, Vero and Jr. I wish I could have been there to say goodbye but you know I was with you in spirit. You had been through a rough life and you advised me on the right road to take.
I will miss you so fucking much but you will live on in our hearts.
Good bye uncle Al I love you man.
12:47 PM
Views (41)·Edit
Jun 16, 2007
...this shit again?
Current mood:aggravated
The drugs wont solve shit...
they are his problem.. He's at a point where his thoughts are "how can I get high,to get me through the day" unlike where mine are " how are we going to pay the damn rent"..

Check out what he did today..

I told him to cash his check so I could try to go talk to the rent people to secure the apartment so we would have something less to worry about. I told him to have 600 for me and I would take care of the rest, mind you the check was for 622 so he would still have money on him for whatever reason right?
Wrong, I get there after a hour of trying to get the 600 and he comes up and this is what happens:
Him: "Heres 550."
Me: "Wheres the other 50?"
Him: " oh I need gas money"
Me: "nigga you got money, you know I need that 50 for the rent I told you this"
Him: "Oh thats ok take it out the bank"
Me: "Man I told you not to fall back on that money, now you fucked up what I had planned and have to find another way to fix this shit again..."
Him: " but I need gas money how am I going to get home?"
Me: " Ok fine" (at this point I'm so mad that I just want to leave)

I say later and speed off..

Then earlier before I was going to head out to get the money he really pissed me off heres what he did.
I get a call asking me when I would be heading down that way to get the money.
Me: " yo"
Him: "Whats up, we got the insurance?"
Me: "Yea why your boss need the info?"(he says he needed insurance for his job so thats what I'm thinking about)
Him: "Nah I got that straight"
Me: " ok then why you asking?"
Him: "Oh cuz the car needs to be fixed"
Me: "man why are you thinking about the car? The car is fine, it has its dents that we can take care of later.. Thats something we dont need to be worried about man.
Him: "whos we?"
Me: "whos we?! what you mean whos we? ME NIGGA! Arent we a team?!
Him: "oh but the car....(i didnt listen much after this point)...it aint even like that man"
Me: "I'm on my way I'll see you in a bit" (at this point I'm mad as fuck)
Him: "oh umm ok late" *I hang up*

See now he showed me where his heads at..
His ego and his priorities are fucked up.
Why do you want to fix the car now? knowing you just fucked off 300 bucks yesterday on your stunt with the police...
You really dont give a fuck about anyone but you huh?
Ok I can do the same.. there is no We now when it comes down to whats between him and I, He lost my trust and respect there is no we..How you treat me I will do to you.
I hate it, it hurts me to do so but you are now trying to fuck your lil cusin over. No nigga dont work like that...
I come all the way from Bakersfield to help you in your time of need and this is  how you act towards me? I'm here trying to figure out a way for YOU to get to work and even borrow money from my mom to help us along and you want me to dip into her money to help you again. No nigga dont work like that, the bank money is my moms money cant touch that. You would rather get high and be up all night and look like shit for work then sleep and look good for your new job..
He will lose the job I see that coming, He will lose my car( the charger) if he cant pay it I'll have the dealer come get the car no problem you fucked off MY credit but you will have nothing.. man I dont see myself in the bay much longer...I'll leave with nothing but he is the one that lost everything including my trust and respect..
I'm a nice guy but dont fuck me because I will fuck you right back..
You guys have no idea how hard it is to get me that mad but he did it, oh did he do it..

Thanks everyone for your advice and concerns, right now it means the world to me.
2:45 AM
Views (58)·Edit
Jun 14, 2007
Fucking mad.
Current mood:angry
I really dont want to write this but I need to vent...

Right now my current situation is beyond shitty and the stress has been building up for awhile now..
Here is whats up, right now my cusin and I are in the hole. We have over 2,000 dollars in debt, which includes the rent. We have received a "Pay or quit" notice (pay in 3 days or gtfo). 
So after having all that this past week my car was broken into and my stereo and sound system where stolen, My cusin hit some other car and put a ugly ass dent in the Charger and today I had to buy insurance on the fucker because it had none.
This morning I went to drop him off at work and on the way there we get pulled over for running a sign. He decides to refuse to sign the ticket and gets arrested and my car gets towed...He had got a check for 800 yesterday and now we are down to 200 bucks at most and I'm trying to find ways to make sure the rent is paid so we have a place to live...
My cusin is having problems holding onto money and I have to take the money so he doesnt spend it on drugs and stupid shit.
Its too much stress... I need him to wake up and stop parting all night, he has a job and this whole week he has been going in late mind you its the 2nd week...If he loses his job we are fucked we wont get out of this hole...He cost me my last job now all I can do is try to buy us time so we can get out ahead..I fucking hate this.. I love my cusin to death but theres only soo much I can take...I need to sit his ass down and talk this shit out with him as much as it hurts me to tell him his in the wrong and his way is incorrect for us right now. If he doesnt either back down and let me run this how it should be, I might just pack up and go back to Bakersfield. I came to help him, he knows this but you cant help someone unless they help themselves...

My life is shit right now but I'm not one to let it beat me. Right now its soooo fucking hard not to just explode...I wont though that wont help this shit..damn I need a blunt to clam my nerves.

So thats whats up people.
12:40 PM
Views (45)·Edit
Apr 21, 2007
Check out this video: R/T "test"
Current mood:high
Took the R/T for a "test" drive but didnt come out so well...My cusin forgot to take off the traction control and well heres what we got..
I think I fucked up and put the 1st clip also last. Eh fuck it.

R/T "test"

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10:50 PM

Maria Perea i waited for this video to load and i sawd it...waste of my time :p i rolled my eyes and i heard you all excited and saying stuffs or stuffs my brother heard and came to see what i was watching cuz he heard your voice. ha ha :p
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3 years ago
Views (40)·Edit
Apr 20, 2007
R/T
Current mood:high
07 Charger R/T Look it up lol.

Video at the bottom 

120 in a Charger R/T

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R/T doing 120 like nothing uphill
10:13 PM

Maria Perea wow this video is like totally awesome! 

*rolls eyes* ..
Reply(1)
3 years ago

D.J. RadiKaL Very nice. Wish I could be there 
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4 years ago
Views (37)·Edit
Feb 18, 2007
The Human Soul.
Current mood:thoughtful
The Human Soul.

If you look at most, if not all, major religions they tell us we have a soul, that there is an after life. I'm not here to bash or hear how I need to believe in a God to be saved.
I'm here to ask why we are so afraid of what happens when we die. Some say we move on to an after life (heaven, hell and etc.) or we are reincarnated into another life form. Ether way they say we shall be judged by our actions in this life, Karma if you will.
You live like a criminal or someone with malice's intensions we will go to a hell, become some thing less then human in the next life, we are erased or just simply forgotten.

Live a good life and live to help the next human being you will be rewarded with heaven etc.
If that is the case why bother with religion or dedicate your lives to severing something you don't know to be real? 
I believe if one lives there life the best way they can it wont matter in the end, you die your family and friend greave and move on with there lives. Unless you were a great human being you will be forgotten. Why do we care so much about unimportant things like bills, money, and religion? What the next door neighbor is doing, how I can get over the next man for a better job. 
Why do these things matter so much when we are all animals anyways our purpose in life is to live, survive, mate, and then die.
Yet we live unhappy, we envy the next man for his car, we kill each other for no reason and the ones that are doing the killing sit in a cell which in turn we have to pay for.
How did we get to the point were we kill over paper its fucking paper but we will do anything for it no matter what the task is. We no longer live our lives how we want, we live to please others and make money like the drones we have become.
So in the end does it matter? We die that's it all you have done wont matter no one will remember you 50 years after your death, maybe a story for a future generation to hear how their great great grandparent died for his piece of land if that.

So what is the point of having a soul? To feel bad about what you did and beg to be forgiving? To make sure you don't come back as a Bug? To burn forever in a "hell" that we're not sure of?
We are only human we make mistakes all the time and to tell you the truth if people would think more then just doing as they are told, we wouldn't be letting things like this control us. Hell we might even live a happy life or at the very lest a good life. I don't know what there really is but for now I can say look beyond the bullshit we're feed and look for the truth, ask why, question life all you can, enjoy it for it might be the only time you are here in this world.
Why fear death why not live life for all its worth? Please don't tell me you don't fear death because you know your full of shit no one wakes up and says "hmm I think I will die today see how that is", Or "God will welcome me at the gates so if he takes me its ok". Everyone wants to live as long as they can. To be honest I don't know why I'm writing this knowing a good lot of you will just tell me I'm full of shit. You know what I am; we all are its part of how our minds work.

So what's the use of a soul if it's only going to be judged?
What's the use of religion when we don't believe in the same thing and if there is a soul be tossed aside for being wrong in the end?
If there is a God then why does it not show its self to us in a form we can all see and be sure of the path we take?
Why so much hate in the Holy books?
Why so much killing in the name of a God?
Why not just say live your lives the best you can and help each other out and that's it?
Why do we value money over any life at all?
Why?

Now I know you guys will tell me there are good values in the Holy books but they are at the cost of fear, hate and the way we twist the words in them to mean something else.
I don't see anything holy in any book even if it is suppose to be the words of a God or Gods. We rule our own lives we allow other people to rule us because we let them, by telling us we are less then another person, that we are stupid or because of your race/skin color. We are all equal for fuck sake, I breath the same air as you do, eat as you do, and drink as you do. Yet we let little things get in the way. We are sad species indeed to all we do is spread like a plague upon this world, and rape the land until its bear.

That's all I have to say.
We suck and you know it lol.

Peace,
Noz

*side note:
Fuck I wrote alot of shit.
Now lets see who reads it.
9:02 AM

Maria Perea wow, took me a while to read it all but what made you write all that and think about all that?....
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3 years ago
Views (35)·Edit
Feb 17, 2007
Noz vs. the Cop
Current mood:awake
Ok so today I went to go help out at my moms shop (stockroom shit >.<)
On my way back there was a good stretch of road and I floor it, I get to about 119 before my car starts to tell me to fuck off... so I easy up and let it come back down. Up ahead there is an over pass with HWY 5 running both ways under it. Then guess what I see a fucking cop car, I pass it doing about 80 (I think the limit was 65 or something), so after I passed the cop I look to my rear view and he him slam his breaks and it looked like he was going to turn around and come after me. Me being the genius I am I see that I'm coming up on the HWY 5 on ramp so I power slide into it doing about 50 and make the turn. I get on 5 and head south doing about 60-90 to duck in between traffic, and get off at the next off ramp to turn around. I look back and see no cop in sight so I get back on 5 north and start heading home.
Thats was fun.
6:26 AM
Maria Perea yea right....that sounds like plenty of fun >.>
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3 years ago
Views (59)·Edit
Dec 6, 2006
lost my job
Current mood:drunk
I lost my job because I didnt Snitch.....

       So on Friday a co woker came in and told me he was going to rob the safe at kinkos I thought he was bullshitting, he went ouside talking about how his friend was in the back and he had parked there.I followed to see what was up and went to my car to get my can of coke I had brought with me then followed him untill someone pulled up, it was another co worker asking me if everything was alright. I had been calling him all night because of some problem I had with some of the machines at work the other guy came over and talk to the co worker that had just showed up after about 6 min he left. I turn to walk in the store and then he come to me and says "I'm not kidding my friend will come in the back  just turn the other cheek....
So i go back to work and then see this dude lost in the hallway(hes was high on meth) I call the coworker and tell him that dude is lost and to hurry...
I go to the bathroom and tell him to call me when there done....
So I walk in today and there waiting for me and they ask me about what happen after 2 hours of talking about what happen I write a statement and leave ...
So I lost my fuckng job for because I didnt snitch on him... ant that some shit.. I didnt recive any money from this so I didnt steal...all I did was not say anything shit they could have had a knife or a gun I like living...